Why do i keep thinking about my past trauma

1. You're lonely. Put simply, one of the main reasons you're not letting go of a past relationship is because you're lonely right now, said Erika Ettin, a relationship coach and founder of A Little Nudge. "Rather than pining over someone who wasn't right for. Relationships bring up the most struggle from my inner parts because relationships are where my trauma happened. So up until now, I have had to keep my desire for that circle of friends as a pipe dream. I have had to give myself distance from people so I can watch my reaction to them and help my parts heal. When my relational patterns have. 5. Trauma narrative. Once I felt in a more stable place mentally, I was able to start on my trauma narrative with the support and guidance of Dr Jennifer Wild. Each week we read through my. Research indicates that dwelling over problems, hardship, errors, and past pain results in an overall loss of positive thinking and an increased risk of developing mental disorders. This can include: Anxiety disorders Depressive disorders Post-traumatic stress disorder 13. You Can't Fix Or Change It The past is set in stone. This was my first stop and read about why I always cry about my past. Nothing of the above actually happened to me- parents were together while I was at home, grandparents always there, so I'm left kind of thinking my grief isn't real grief. Have been told by a few therapists I didn't really need therapy. That said, over the years, I have heard multiple reasons why adult children have not allowed their parents to play a role in their weddings. The most popular of said reasons included the parent (s) being demanding and overbearing, history of embarrassing behaviors, and unresolved conflicts with the spouse-to-be. The biggest reason anyone holds onto the past is because they don’t feel heard and/or fully understood by the person they perceived hurt them. (To be clear, validating and helping your partner feel understood in the way they need isn’t your “ job.”. It is about going out there and taking action to change the course of your life. The only person that can put a stop to this run of bad luck is YOU. Make your plan, get yourself into bed nice and early, and wake up early and make a fresh start. Everything looks brighter after a good sleep and an early start. Turn over a new leaf, start writing. With this self-awareness, I have been able to overcome and heal from that trauma. Finally, at 42, I’m in a healthy relationship with a man who brings out the absolute best parts of me. He knows about my trauma and gives me the space and courage to talk about it. He lets me be myself, even on the days when I’m not at my best. There are plenty of reasons past romances keep finding their way into your head, but none of them have to do with any leftover feelings. Here are the real reasons why you can't stop thinking about your ex. 1. You liked the person you were when you were dating him. Luckily for you, this has nothing to do with him. Keep in mind, people’s reactions to trauma differs. Some people start to rage and yell while others get sad and withdraw. If a person does not have trauma around being excluded (a.k.a. there is. Emotional and psychological trauma is the result of extraordinarily stressful events that shatter your sense of security, making you feel helpless in a dangerous world.. Even children who do not cognitively remember a traumatic event can still have that full blown trauma response stored in their amygdala. It “rewires” the brain for life. It does not go away with love and time. It can be triggered by events, actions, discussions, sights, smells, touches, and sensory experiences in the future. Yes, statistically, school shootings are very rare, but here’s the thing about trauma: Trauma rewires your brain. Even now, years later, I can no longer engage in statistical thinking. Even when it’s highly unlikely that something bad will happen, statistics and probability don’t have the same effect on me that they once did. Try and remember that we all make mistakes, we all do silly things sometimes- that just makes us human. Try and be less harsh with yourself. Don't give yourself a hard time for these past experiences, because it is a waste of your time where you could be spending it doing or thinking about something fun. Nobody is perfect. Breaking the power of shame means moving past the awkward and uncomfortable moments when we don’t talk about the trauma and grief on our mind. It’s hard, but knowing. 1. Your lack of self confidence. Often times, one of the most common reasons behind feeling guilty all the time for no reason is because of your lack of self confidence. It could be because of an incident that you could have experienced or it could also be because of the way you have been raised. Lack of self confidence reflects on you blaming. Dwelling on our personal memories not only helps us as individuals. It also allows us to operate in our socio-cultural context; society and culture influence the way we remember our past. For. The past sucks our energy, and its lack leads to distortions in the present. When people keep thinking about the past, they aren't present, and they unconsciously mistreat others. It's also more challenging for them to recognize new opportunities. But, even something deeper is taking place, we recreate similar situations in the present. Like in Google Chrome, they're two ways you can find this. Firstly, you can click open the ‘menu’ at the top-right of the window, which will display the ‘search history’. The second method is to click "Control + H" on the computer keyboard your partner uses, and the browser history will pop up. Repetitive thinking about past events, also called rumination, is associated with depression. According to studies, this is one of the reasons why people get stuck in the past because it reminds them of happier times, the things they have lost, and makes them relive traumatic moments in their lives. Trauma Bonding is the Chain Keeping You Linked to the Narcissist The narcissist thrives on your need for approval and love while manufacturing traumatic situations to enforce bonding. In healthy relationships, people bond with each other through positive experiences. But the narcissist is different. Acknowledge their feelings. The conversation may require you to apologize for making them feel like you could be depended on and then leaving them to finish the project. Let them know you respect. When you think of trauma, think of an overwhelmed nervous system rather than the event itself. Child abuse is an obvious example. The event might be 3 decades in the past and may not even be accessible to conscious memory, and yet the nervous system can still be overwhelmed years later. Seemingly insignificant events can also be traumatizing if they. This is a case study of a man who, when he reached the age of sixty, decided he wanted to visit the old neighborhood. He had several reasons for wanting to do this. When he and his friends got together, there was a tendency to reminisce about the past and life back then. Generally, the theme was about the “good old days,” and how those were. When you think of trauma, think of an overwhelmed nervous system rather than the event itself. Child abuse is an obvious example. The event might be 3 decades in the past and may not even be accessible to conscious memory, and yet the nervous system can still be overwhelmed years later. Seemingly insignificant events can also be traumatizing if they. If you’re thinking “I miss my boyfriend” and crying because you miss the sex, the comfort, having him around, etc., this means you need to realize that you are emotionally tied to the idea of him; to what he represented. This is not who he is in reality. A lot of this is normal to experience when you’re no longer with someone that had. Looking back, I should’ve seen my drinking had steadily increased over time. But because I was functioning, albeit in a dysfunctional way, I had no reason to think my drinking had become a problem. “It’s really important you don’t stop drinking to avoid further episodes of withdrawal,” the doctor told me. Surely telling a patient to. You cannot speak about your troubles because they will fall back onto your family, you are “mental” or “crazy” and something is really wrong with you if you are troubled. You have to keep all your feelings in, look happy, and move forward. At least, that is how it was for me. Personally, I have experienced trauma. Pay attention to that sensation at your fingertips for a few seconds. Or you can pay attention to your breath going in and out. You don't need to suddenly breathe differently, just become aware right now to how you breathe normally. Or if you're walking somewhere, pay attention to your movements. There are plenty of reasons past romances keep finding their way into your head, but none of them have to do with any leftover feelings. Here are the real reasons why you can't stop thinking about your ex. 1. You liked the person you were when you were dating him. Luckily for you, this has nothing to do with him. The particular experience represented by “Triggered” is purely on the level of the body’s instinctive reaction to some reminder of a past trauma. The “Unconscious Triggered” Part is even more subtle and mysterious, but it can be detected with enough mindful attention. Listen To. You might have a problem with letting go of past relationships, friendships, or other aspects of your life. This can be due to different reasons such as anxiety or low self-esteem, it's something you need to work on in a more broader sense. 14. You're Generally Feeling Low If you're feeling low, it can be hard to stop thinking about an old crush. Training and Qualifications. In addition of being having the lived experience of being trauma survivor herself, Emmy is certified as a Trauma Informed Coach through an ICF-accredited program provided by the organization Moving the Human Spirit. She is trained and certified as a Level 1 Practitioner in the NARM model of working with complex trauma. Try and remember that we all make mistakes, we all do silly things sometimes- that just makes us human. Try and be less harsh with yourself. Don't give yourself a hard time for these past experiences, because it is a waste of your time where you could be spending it doing or thinking about something fun. Nobody is perfect. It is about going out there and taking action to change the course of your life. The only person that can put a stop to this run of bad luck is YOU. Make your plan, get yourself into bed nice and early, and wake up early and make a fresh start. Everything looks brighter after a good sleep and an early start. Turn over a new leaf, start writing. If their death was a recent event, you may be thinking of them a lot. Your brain then conjures them into your dreams, allowing you to see them again. If the deceased person was someone whose advice you valued, you may dream of them when you’re worried or uncertain. Your brain may be asking yourself what they would have told you. And I get it. For years, I struggled to understand that some of the experiences from my past had created classic trauma responses in me. It wasn’t until I experienced my own unequivocal and rather overt trauma (being violently attacked by my dog) that I began to understand the word and its complexity far better. For the first time, I. Either be happy with a woman you love and love being with and help her deal with her past mistakes (she calls them mistakes) or you leave her and someone else becomes your number two. Love and sex. This activity will give you insight into your past, why you have certain triggers (e.g. fears, perspectives, setbacks, etc.), and help you understand yourself better. Step 1: List any traumatic events that have happened in your life. Examples: car accident, neglect, divorce, etc. Step 2: List how you felt at the time and how it impacted you. Why do I keep thinking about my past trauma? Trauma memories are thought to be stored as fragmented pieces throughout the mind, perhaps as a way of buffering the overwhelming emotions associated with what happened. It is believed that repeatedly thinking about the event will help the mind understand what happened and eventually process it. Well in this post, I will explain why. It’s a common scenario: a concern about the future randomly pops into your head one day. Without warning, this worry comes to dominate your thoughts. You can’t stop thinking about it even if you try. Although you may know that your concern is irrational, that doesn’t seem to stop you from worrying. So, you keep thinking about someone from your past because. 1. The person you keep thinking about either caused you extreme trauma in the past or created extreme joy in. We all have some kind of trauma in our pasts. It doesn’t have to be childhood trauma, It could be from a breakup last week, A negative thought you just had about yourself before you started reading this. Taking a good look at the not-so-good parts of your life is called doing your shadow work. 12 – Pave the way for their next relationship. You’ve probably read a hundred times how narcissists leave relationships and then swan dive right into a new one. Maybe this happened in the aftermath of your own relationship with a narcissist. The main reason this happens is that narcissists don’t bond with people. in fact, some are even pushing for two separate diagnoses: ptsd, which results from onetime traumas like natural disasters, mass violence, accidents, and rape, and complex post-traumatic stress. Your job right after the trauma and in the years since the trauma occurred has been to find stability. You developed successful coping mechanisms that let you function in the world without falling. In PTSD, when you focus solely on a repetitive perspective of the past, you actually restrict your brain and, hence, it’s processing abilities. When you encourage your brain to shift perspectives, you encourage it to rewire, which is critical in healing. Trauma can cause you to experience intense flashbacks, where it feels like you’re transported back to a moment in your relationship and are reliving it in real-time. It can also cause nightmares.

A spike in symptoms of PTSD, anxiety, depression or other mental health conditions. Sleeping poorly. Drinking more or using more drugs. Trying to avoid reminders of disturbing events, including media coverage and social situations. Having more memories of military experiences and homecoming. Looking back, I should’ve seen my drinking had steadily increased over time. But because I was functioning, albeit in a dysfunctional way, I had no reason to think my drinking had become a problem. “It’s really important you don’t stop drinking to avoid further episodes of withdrawal,” the doctor told me. Surely telling a patient to. If these are in your past, they could be affecting your present health. These are all examples of traumatic events — which, in psychological terms, are incidents that make you believe you are in danger of being seriously injured or. Why do I keep thinking about past trauma? Trauma memories are thought to be stored as fragmented pieces throughout the mind, perhaps as a way of buffering the overwhelming emotions associated with what happened. It is believed that repeatedly thinking about the event will help the mind understand what happened and eventually process it. And I get it. For years, I struggled to understand that some of the experiences from my past had created classic trauma responses in me. It wasn’t until I experienced my own unequivocal and rather overt trauma (being violently attacked by my dog) that I began to understand the word and its complexity far better. For the first time, I. 3. Live in the now. I’m not saying you can’t think about anything traumatic in the past. I’m just saying that it doesn’t have to define you today. Just because someone may have told you bad things to your face in the past doesn’t mean you’re a bad person today and that you have to see yourself that way. 4. You cannot speak about your troubles because they will fall back onto your family, you are “mental” or “crazy” and something is really wrong with you if you are troubled. You have to keep all your feelings in, look happy, and move forward. At least, that is how it was for me. Personally, I have experienced trauma. A feeling of shame; an innate feeling that they are bad, worthless, or without importance. Practicing avoidance of people, places, or things that may be related to the traumatic event; this also can include an avoidance of. Emotional and psychological trauma is the result of extraordinarily stressful events that shatter your sense of security, making you feel helpless in a dangerous world.. 1. You're lonely. Put simply, one of the main reasons you're not letting go of a past relationship is because you're lonely right now, said Erika Ettin, a relationship coach and founder of A Little Nudge. "Rather than pining over someone who wasn't right for. 7 Signs you are suffering emotional shock. 1. You feel afraid. Something has happened that you didn’t expect, weren’t prepared for, and couldn’t prevent happening. Suddenly, life feels dangerous and unpredictable. If you are. That’s because your thoughts encourage your mind to contemplate about your ex and keep him or her alive for as long as possible. By thinking of the worst possible scenarios, you regularly (with despondent emotions) push your ex into your subconscious mind. Because traumatic memories are not fully integrated as a past experience, their existence creates a feeling of an ever-present threat. You become hyper-sensitive to any trigger which reminds you of your trauma. A feeling of shame; an innate feeling that they are bad, worthless, or without importance. Practicing avoidance of people, places, or things that may be related to the traumatic event; this also can include an avoidance of. I Can't Get Over It directly addresses survivors of trauma. It explains the nature of SD and describes the healing process. This book will help you find out whether you have PTSD; cope with post-traumatic anger, grief, and survivor guilt; recognize related problems such as depression, substance abuse, compulsive behavior, and low self-esteem; identify "triggers" that set off. Training and Qualifications. In addition of being having the lived experience of being trauma survivor herself, Emmy is certified as a Trauma Informed Coach through an ICF-accredited program provided by the organization Moving the Human Spirit. She is trained and certified as a Level 1 Practitioner in the NARM model of working with complex trauma. in fact, some are even pushing for two separate diagnoses: ptsd, which results from onetime traumas like natural disasters, mass violence, accidents, and rape, and complex post-traumatic stress. Holding onto unresolved past trauma takes a lot of energy to maintain and often results in one or more of the following. Physical ailments including. chronic fatigue syndrome. cancer. joint. When we talk about the past of ourselves or others, it is associated with the elaboration of the memory. Kids will have better autobiographical narratives if their parents keep telling them about their past events. Maintain the diary about the current events and revisiting it in upcoming years is even more beneficial and effective. Reference:. In the acute stage of a breakup you almost can't stop thinking about the relationship, but over time the thoughts become less prominent and less painful. Trust that this will continue to happen over time. This will happen more quickly if you don't engage regularly with your ex. Let the distance help you disengage. 5. AstroStar/Shutterstock. If you had a nightmare of an ex, you might still have nightmares about them, even after you've long since moved on. And this can be a sign you're repressing. As Dr. Tessina. Healing takes time. It means healing the brain damage that occurred during our developmental stages. Abuse impairs and programs the brain in a faulty way. To truly heal we have to change and rewire our brain’s faulty circuitry. Healing childhood trauma is difficult. It is not easy to overcome the past and get better due to the following reasons:. Personal Experience with Trauma . What advise can be given to a person who has been traumatised to help them to heal from Trauma . Here is the podcast that Rosemary had with a podcastor from Kenya called "Its Only Child" about how she dealth with Trauma as well as . https://bit.ly/33BIiKP. Home;. This was my first stop and read about why I always cry about my past. Nothing of the above actually happened to me- parents were together while I was at home, grandparents always there, so I'm left kind of thinking my grief isn't real grief. Have been told by a few therapists I didn't really need therapy. Catastrophic thinking can happen in response to traumatic events in the past that reframed your worldview or led to or reinforced beliefs such as the world is bad, people shouldn't be trusted, and taking chances leads to getting hurt. It can also be associated with mental health and chronic pain conditions, including the following:. Mental health, as defined by the Public Health Agency of Canada, [6] is an individual's capacity to feel, think, and act in ways to achieve a better quality of life while respecting the personal, social, and cultural boundaries. [7] Impairment of any of these are risk factors for mental disorders, or mental illness [8] which is a component of. Trauma Quotes. “There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”. “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. Healing from past trauma can be a slow process, and it may be difficult to stop thinking about it for a while. Just trust that if you keep working on it, things will get better. 2 Seek help from a group or mental health professional. Look for a counselor or program that specializes in trauma. It is true that past incidents can trigger stress, anxiety and depression. In turn, feelings of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. When you start thinking negatively based on your experiences. You will start losing self-control and confidence. With time, worrying excessively about the past will lead to reduced energy, fatigue and poor sleep. These practices include yoga, martial arts, dance, somatic therapy, specialized bodywork, and physical exercise, among other things. Anything that gets you to befriend your breath and body with awareness when you are triggered will help. 4. Identify what makes you feel safe and stable and do those things. One reason we may be continuously thinking of our exes — and romanticizing them — is because we’re addicted to them, in a way. Studies have shown that people in love show symptoms of drug addiction like euphoria as well as both emotional and physical dependence. The feel-good chemicals that are released when you’re falling in love are addictive. The biggest reason anyone holds onto the past is because they don’t feel heard and/or fully understood by the person they perceived hurt them. (To be clear, validating and helping your partner feel understood in the way they need isn’t your “ job.”. 4. Trauma-informed therapy. I was wary of seeking out a therapist due to several unhappy experiences trying to seek counseling with my abusers in the past. What helped me was searching. Keep in mind, people’s reactions to trauma differs. Some people start to rage and yell while others get sad and withdraw. If a person does not have trauma around being excluded (a.k.a. there is. You ultimately (with or without therapy, but usually with) will let go of being and feeling traumatized while incorporating the experience of having had the trauma into who you are.. Shame wants to keep you stuck in the past, and it can undermine your efforts to maintain change in the present. That’s why gratitude is so important. Being grateful for the present doesn’t mean letting yourself off the hook for the past. It just offers you some perspective. That was then, but this is now. Holding yourself in isolation allows the situation to feel like its you vs. the fear. You and your posse vs. the fear is a much stronger position, whether that's allowing one person to support and help you or many. Write it down. Trauma creates chaos in your mind. Simply put, trauma is an experience too intense for our nervous system to process, which makes what traumatizes us a very personal thing. We are all different, have varying life experiences, assorted health, bodies, and beliefs. Some circumstances would traumatize all of us, and some would traumatize you, but may not affect me. Trauma survivors live with the imprint of trauma on their nervous systems. They learned early on to stay prepared for danger at all times. They may learn to check out and feel numb or nothing at all to cope with overwhelming emotions. That said, over the years, I have heard multiple reasons why adult children have not allowed their parents to play a role in their weddings. The most popular of said reasons included the parent (s) being demanding and overbearing, history of embarrassing behaviors, and unresolved conflicts with the spouse-to-be. Trauma bonding occurs because the trauma of the abuse changes your brain physiologically as you start to release neuropeptides which bond you to your partner which you behold addicted to. When oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine, cortisol, and adrenaline are involved, the abusive nature of the relationship can actually strengthen, rather than dampen, the bond of the. Wow. I love this article, in particular, this: “I avoided those relationships where love was free and easy.” It made me think of why I do this behavior and gravitate towards “bad boys”: To feel safe, I need boundaries for protection. A life without boundaries is dangerous and also leads to a lot of self-regulation issues. But when I don. You might have felt so hurt from the past that you are unable to express your feelings towards the situation. Usually when our exs attack us with a gun or trying to hurt us it becomes a direct attack on our mind, body and soul. Mental Hacks to Be More Confident in Yourself Accept your emotions Never confuse memory with facts Positive thinking.

Psychologists call this reinforcement the ‘arousal-jag’ which actually refers to the excitement before the trauma (arousal) and the peace of surrender afterwards (jag). Take a second to reflect on the narcissist’s behaviors. Creating trauma bonds is what he’s been doing his whole life!. When a survivor of narcissistic abuse ruminates about aspects of the relationship, it becomes their reality because they are constantly thinking about it. This state of mind traps them within the narcissistic cycle of abuse even after the relationship has ended. This is so dangerous because it makes the survivor susceptible to a boat load of. I think the question is a really good one and I think a lot of you could benefit from hearing it as well as my answer. Here's the question: I tried Anxiety Technique, it worked a little. But I'm not sure what to do to deal with the worry of my past. I tend to block out a lot of things from my past. Relationships, etc. When you think about someone from your past, it can be because you regret something that happened between the two of you. It may have been a big mistake that made you upset, or maybe it's something small and simple. You might regret a situation where you had an argument, blew up at someone, or ignored someone. Keep in mind, people’s reactions to trauma differs. Some people start to rage and yell while others get sad and withdraw. If a person does not have trauma around being excluded (a.k.a. there is. When you think about someone from your past, it can be because you regret something that happened between the two of you. It may have been a big mistake that made you upset, or maybe it's something small and simple. You might regret a situation where you had an argument, blew up at someone, or ignored someone. Holding yourself in isolation allows the situation to feel like its you vs. the fear. You and your posse vs. the fear is a much stronger position, whether that's allowing one person to support and help you or many. Write it down. Trauma creates chaos in your mind. Pay attention to that sensation at your fingertips for a few seconds. Or you can pay attention to your breath going in and out. You don’t need to suddenly breathe differently, just become. You might have felt so hurt from the past that you are unable to express your feelings towards the situation. Usually when our exs attack us with a gun or trying to hurt us it becomes a direct attack on our mind, body and soul. Mental Hacks to Be More Confident in Yourself Accept your emotions Never confuse memory with facts Positive thinking. Like in Google Chrome, they're two ways you can find this. Firstly, you can click open the ‘menu’ at the top-right of the window, which will display the ‘search history’. The second method is to click "Control + H" on the computer keyboard your partner uses, and the browser history will pop up. It is the antithesis of recalling painful memories. Every time your mind wanders to that mistake, focus on your current situation. To aid the process, try therapeutic meditation techniques: Mindful Breathing Listening to Music Calm Distractions Using the Five Senses (Tea Meditation, Nature Walk, etc.) Stay Busy. Why do I keep thinking about my past trauma? Trauma memories are thought to be stored as fragmented pieces throughout the mind, perhaps as a way of buffering the overwhelming emotions associated with what happened. It is believed that repeatedly thinking about the event will help the mind understand what happened and eventually process it. It is the antithesis of recalling painful memories. Every time your mind wanders to that mistake, focus on your current situation. To aid the process, try therapeutic meditation techniques: Mindful Breathing Listening to Music Calm Distractions Using the Five Senses (Tea Meditation, Nature Walk, etc.) Stay Busy. 1. Your lack of self confidence. Often times, one of the most common reasons behind feeling guilty all the time for no reason is because of your lack of self confidence. It could be because of an incident that you could have experienced or it could also be because of the way you have been raised. Lack of self confidence reflects on you blaming. If their death was a recent event, you may be thinking of them a lot. Your brain then conjures them into your dreams, allowing you to see them again. If the deceased person was someone whose advice you valued, you may dream of them when you’re worried or uncertain. Your brain may be asking yourself what they would have told you. Here’s the other problem when a trauma survivor feels pressure to “think positive.” Often, for a survivor, this can sound like it’s not OK to feel whatever they are feeling, so they stuff it away, often relegating it to the subconscious. Trauma survivors are experts at burying their feelings. But burying feelings doesn’t mean the pain goes away, it means the survivor is less. Many people re-experience the trauma through intrusive thoughts, some have flashbacks and many have nightmares. Trauma memories that do not subside and keep taking over your mind can make you feel as though you are trapped in the past and reliving all the distress you felt at the time. Why do mothers say hurtful things to daughters?.

Now have them start the memory 3 or 4 minutes earlier than usual, and continue 15 minutes longer. Remembering the old content with new start and stop times, and without the automatic loop, changes the client’s emotional response. Remove compulsive association from the trauma recall sequence. Old wounds have many ways of stealing into relationships. They can disrupt a connection, prevent a connection from reaching take-off, or slowly pull at a relationship until it’s gasping for air. Everyone is capable of having a connection that is loving and life-giving – a relationship that allows each person to be completely seen, stripped. Past romantic rejection or childhood trauma can lead people to avoid facing their problems. Instead, they distract themselves by serial-dating and never truly committing to any relationship that requires opening their wounds. 4. Paranoia. 3: Replace painful past memories. Memories occur to substantiate our personal beliefs. For instance, if you believe you are a victim, you will continually see memories of times. Acknowledge their feelings. The conversation may require you to apologize for making them feel like you could be depended on and then leaving them to finish the project. Let them know you respect. Sex should be something that is engaged in when both partners want it and feel special because of it. Although your past may be the only topic that is problematic currently, the behaviors exhibited because of it are unhealthy and probably indicative of future troubles. Consequently, I strongly suggest that you re-examine your relationship.